I don’t know why people keep thinking I lost weight when I didn’t. It’s not even “hey, you look thinner”, I actually have people tell me like “Jesus, what happened to you?” and I’m assuming it’s probably because they didn’t see me in a long time and I’ve gained weight and my clothes look tighter I don’t know. The point is that the scale says “Hm, no, nothing new here” and people say “WHAAAT?” so I don’t know what to think because I look pretty much the same to myself (and my clothes) so I’m going to check if maybe, maybe it’s the toning exercises and the cutting off soft drinks that gave me an unbloated/tonned body people are confusing with thinner.

I mean, it’s a better option than tighter clothes. 

I’ve had a good breakfast (whole wheat bread, light turkey ham, cream cheese, coffee, non-fat milk and a tangerine) and a small lunch just now (two boiled eggs and another tangerine) but I feel a little dizzy. It’s about 4 pm, maybe I should eat something else? I don’t know why I feel weak/dizzy, I think a 334 cal intake for this hour is normal. Maybe it’s related to the other days of my eating? Maybe I’m lacking proteins or carbs or something? I’m confused. I think I’ll drink some tea to set my stomach, I don’t know.

I’m going to exercise now and I don’t want to feel sick.

I’m actually kinda hoping this mutual anger and sadness are all PMS-related. I’ll actually exercise right now so I feel better. I’m also very hungry for no reason and it’s ruining my diet. 

SAVE ME, ENDORPHIN! 

…why must you hurt me this way?

And then I look down and my hips say: “No, not really. Not at all.”

And it IS a known fact that hips don’t lie.

Why does losing weight takes so long and it’s so hard, huh :(? The hardest thing isn’t even dieting, the hardest thing is just going and on and on and on and on and on ‘till you can actually see some result. It’s hard to keep doing something when you don’t feel like you’re getting any results - that’s why it’s so tough.

And giving up and binging and starting again and then thinking “How many times have I done this before?” - the whole thing sucks.

But you gotta do it, if you want it. You don’t have to if you don’t - because nobody “has” to be thinner or to be worried - but if you do want, then you’ve gotta go through all of this.

But it’s emotionally tiresome and a bit of a lonely experience as well. 

You’re losing weight for yourself and for nobody else. To feel better and to be more confident and, ok, maybe for the slightly less noble reason of fitting into cute clothes but, if you’re doing it to get guys’ attention, then you need to understand right now that a change of weight won’t make you happy.

You need a change of heart.