One of my aunts got my niece these two pacifiers, please, do be amazed by the beauty of them:
remember when I said I had jokingly told my friend to buy us matching starter pokemon shirts so we could walk around together and be lame but he ended up taking it totally seriously? Our shameless lives begin now.
You know, in my novel, one of the characters comes from a land where dragons are treated as deities in a similar way to the olympic gods, each with a different function and symbol and she happens to be half dragon and, according to their beliefs, a demigod. But that’s pointless, the real point here is that this dragon thing is kind of a secret for a while and when she finally has to explain it, the protagonist says something like “but, one of your parents is…human?” “yeah.” “an the other is…a dragon?”“yes?” “but, like, which…one? and…how?”
"I’ve learned not to ask questions."
and that’s like the only bit of storyline I actually have, I hate myself.
I have a gap in my teeth that I use to fit straws, pencils and my glasses’ legs. Now you know.
I have this really skinny friend and one time we were talking about being fat kids in a table filled with fat people and he said “oh but I was a fat kid ‘till I was ten.” and, without missing a beat, I said: “And then the fat kid spit you out?” and it was wonderful.
It has come to my attention, that the more sleepdeprived I am, the funnier I get. I become bolder and my timing and line delivery are just wonderful. Luckily, I’m always sleep deprived.
When my friend was here yesterday, she was complaining about how her family keeps pressuring her to find a boyfriend and I ended up coming up with a game. I told her (and our other friends) that from now on, when people ask us about our love life, we will just pretend we are seeing our favorite fictional boyfriends. And it will go on for days and days, till someone notices we are retelling a famous story. For instance:
"Ok, so, I’m kinda seeing this dude, but it’s kinda complicated cause, he’s like, quiet and serious and, like, we met because there was this party and he was there with a friend and like, everyone wanted to hit on his friend and he just stood there looking angry and I heard him trash talking the whole party, including me, but then I sassed him a little because he can’t dance and because I don’t have any time for him, but like, whatever, it’s complicated. My sister plans on visiting his friend next week though, I surely hope she doesn’t get sick."
My aunt got so excited when I asked her to knit a cap for my cactus, that she got ahead of herself and made him a blue little christmas hat.